A Queer and Meaningless Bark

Will & Grace (W&G) is, for the most part, a funny show. It's also a good looking show which, for me, helps its re-watchability. I mainly tune into W&G reruns when I want something gay and fun to watch, so the New York conspicuously sophisticated interiors add to the fluffy escapism. Many jokes on W&G seem racy even years after they originally aired. The heavy use of "fag" and "queer" for humorous effect now seems a bit shocking as both words have begun to get the n-word treatment in TV shows and on the radio.  W&G's frankness about gay male sexuality is still surprising. Gay males on TV and in mainstream films still largely seem to be well behaved neuters who are only interested in a monogamous relationship. There are plenty of field playing straight guys on TV and in the movies but any gay guy character you'll see will probably be respectable sexually.  But despite W&G's still edgy take on the gays it also presen...

I'm living once again in the county where I grew up, a rural area where not much has changed during the three decades I was gone. My personal stories, what I often call ghosts, are all over the place waiting to be revisited. I have a fairly good memory, if I had to I could recall most of the important details of my youth. But I rarely think about my youth as I'm not all that fond of my life or me before age 20.  I'm fortunate to have the ability to not think about the parts of the past I'd rather forget. But it's harder to mentally look the other way when I'm actually at the scene of a particular memory. I drove past the scene of a memory I'm mostly fine with early today; a long dormant gravel pit that hasn't noticeably changed in the 40 years I've been aware of it. The only reason I even noticed the gravel pit is that it was the last place I'd fooled around with or even saw Nate, my high school friends-with-benefits. It was the ...

When I was younger I was worried I'd become one of those older guys who was only attracted to younger gals and guys. Sure, love (and lust) knows no age, and there are younger guys and gals into older guys,* but the older guy in those cases often seems sad and even pathetic. I'm now just over the half century mark and happily I'm mostly attracted to guys in a sensible range of my age. I find the younger models attractive, but in a way I find Michelangelo's David attractive...I like looking at it but I don't need to touch it. My age related problem is music and partying.  I like a lot of music that seems too young for me. Most of this is college aged indie artists, some EDM, and definitely chill. It's fine if I'm just listening to recorded music. Its not so fine if I want friends my age to give the music a listen as they generally won't. It seems most folks my age have music preferences that were set in concrete sometime around high school or ...

With one possible exception, I've never had anyone show romantic interest in me. I've also never really had anyone show social interest in me beyond party invites and the occasional casual dinner get together. I hadn't noticed that I'm apparently not friend material until a few years ago when the lives of most my actual friends became consumed with marriage and kids. All but one of my friends live in other western states. I used to call them all fairly regularly but over the years they had less and less time to talk on the phone. I continued writing letters and sending postcards. I also texted regularly, texts I figured were humorous or comments on the news. Most my friends rarely respond to the texts. I have quite a few acquaintances and Facebook friends, almost all of them are related to a couple hobbies I have. There are occasional parties and I always have a great time talking with my acquaintances, they're generally smart people with a wide range of in...

Recently I actually had a guy, a friend of an acquaintance,  apparently show interest in me. To the best of my knowledge it was only the second time in my life that anyone has ever shown interest in me. (The other time was a brief encounter with a guy at a bar, so brief it doesn't count for much.)  I was at a party and I caught the name of a guy the host, N eil , was talking to. The guy was Sam and I'd read a couple short essays he'd written which N eil had posted on Facebook. Mainly because I'm interested in the creative output of others I said to Sam “Oh, you're the guy whose writing is funny.”  “I'm just funny when I write?” Sam asked, “But not in person?” “I don't know if you're funny in person,” I replied, “I haven't heard you say much.” “Now I'm under pressure,” Sam replied. At that point N eil actually introduced us and I said I'd read the essays N eil had posted. “I'm funny when I write,” Sam said said to N...

Most people seem to think a lot about romantic love, or at least they think a lot about it until they get it. Then they seem to only think about it when it isn't satisfactory.  I thought about romantic love to the point that I realized I could live a happy life without it.  That doesn't mean I'm dismissive of romantic love. I like a good romantic comedy or story arc. I like well written love songs and poems. I like the more clever portrayals of love in ads. Essentially, I enjoy a lot of the lovey-dovey things which people who don't care for mainstream culture are supposed to loathe. In my defense, I tend to like more unusual or better written love stories. But then I also like Ross and Rachel, Monica and Chandler, Niles and Daphne, and Jules and Grayson. As wi all the run of the mill saps and suckers, what I most like about love story-lines is that false golden moment of love. The meet cute, the moment when characters realize the other is the one, the procl...

I grew up in a very rural area in a small town, Newton, which has a population of just under 600 people. It's in a rural agricultural area, a part of the state where there's a lot of distance between houses and a lot of winding gravel roads.  Most of the other towns in that area are also really small, under 700 people. They're towns with people but few or no stores. Business is done in a couple “large” towns in the county, one of which, Mason, has a major university. Depending where you live you might have to drive an hour to buy groceries. A few years ago when I went back for the first of several long visits I discovered that being in the country made me horny. Almost all I could think about was sex.  After a bit of thought I concluded the source of this horniness was mixed. The main reason was that I'd had a fair amount of sex with other guys while growing up. It wasn't non-stop, but I apparently had more sex than the average queer teen in the late ...

When it comes of getting to know someone I'm very much an inside out person. I want to know what a person thinks and feels, what they joke about. Physical proximity means little to me when I'm learning about someone, I want to know what he thinks. I recently responded to an online post made by a guy looking for other guys to just hang out with. (The Strictly Platonic section of Craigslist personals has such ads, though a lot of guys seem to not know what platonic means.) It went nowhere because the guy didn't like communicating via email (though he could actually write coherently, a skill that's not so common with guys online who are seeking guys for friendship or hookup) and said he found visual cues useful in getting to know others.  I find visual cues generally to be more or less useless in getting to know someone, and often completely misleading.  People have misread me my whole life. Strangers tend to assume I'm mean, angry, or disinterested. In re...

I don't think gaydar is a real thing, and even if it is I don't think it's something all queer guys have. If it exists at all it's based in experience. Some queer guys can gather subtle information that leads them to conclude another guy is queer.  Fake gaydar, where wishful thinking leads a queer guy to think another guy is queer, is definitely real. I've encountered a couple guys (friends of friends) who were so convinced a guy was gay that they were actually angry the guy hadn't come out of the closet. I don't have gaydar, I think. There have been guys I've met or been acquainted with who I've thought might be into guys, but I've never had any follow up for proof. And as to what it is in the other guy that makes me think he likes the dick I have no idea. It's never anything about his mannerisms or things he likes* or a clue as obvious as him giving a passing guy the elevator eyes or talking a lot about one particular male friend. ...

Occasionally when I'm getting into bed I think how nice it would be if a guy I loved was already in the bed and I got in and pushed up against him and we moved around a bit, exchanged some words, and drifted off to sleep.  This is a common wish of those who are sleeping alone, so common that one can buy a "body pillow" which supposedly is to help you sleep in the weird position you like best but in reality I think a body pillow is to help you pretend there's someone else in bed with you. The desire to have a guy in bed to sleep with is relatively new for me. It isn't based in any real experience as I've never had a boyfriend (or girlfriend) and I've only slept (literally) with one guy, a good friend who I used to occasionally have sex with. As we'd started the night rolling all over each other we didn't have any issue touching each other while sleeping in the same bed. But as I don't think we ever wrapped up in each others arms while...

I'm living again in the area where I grew up, an extremely rural area where the largest town is only as big as it is because there's a state university there. Because it's a smallish town the college students are a more noticeable aspect of the town than they would be if the university were in a city. When I was growing up I was unaware of the college student presence. Part of that was due to the college students being older than me so they just seemed like more adults, even when I was in my late teens. But I mainly didn't notice all the good looking college guys because when I was younger my sexual interests lacked subtlety. If I couldn't see a dick or crotch bulge I wouldn't have noticed an older guy.  Now my interest in guys is much broader and I like observing all aspects of a guy.  In a college town, young, fit guys are everywhere. It's not uncommon to be driving down a street and see a guy who could be on the cover of Men's Health jogg...

There's an episode of Will and Grace where Jack and Will were on Karen's yacht and they were bored so Will pointed to the bar and announced there was a hot new gay club opening up right over there.  I think of that scene whenever I'm in a particularly culturally queer mood but have nowhere to go or anyone to share it with. To the best of my knowledge there is absolutely no gay scene* in the area where I live (a very small town in a very rural area near a small university town that is almost devoid of the cool stuff small university towns sometimes have like funky bars or a music scene).** I also have no queer friend's, just a few gay acquaintances on Facebook. So when I want to have a super gay night it's just me and some drinks and one of my queer-centric playlists or a queer book or queer movie. I always have a good time, and the morning after it doesn't matter if I was out at a gay bar or having a long discussion about queer young adult novel...

On Reddit the other day (in the Gaybros or AskGaybros  sub)  someone posted a question asking guys to describe what type of of guy they're into.  It seems a lot of guys have a definite type that most grabs their eyes. I'm not sure I do. It's easier for me to nail down what I don't like, that's overly groomed and/or ripped guys. Most “big” studio gay porn models fit that category. Even if a guy has an amazing face I can't get into a a waxed and buffed Ken doll body. I like tall big chested guys and little guys with small chests, I like tall geeky guys and short guys with solid builds, I like classically good looking guys and guys with big ears and not much chin, I like bearded guys and clean shaven guys, and so on. The one thing I definitely like the most is a guy who just seems like a guy, an ordinary guy who maybe doesn't have any distinguishing feature that would get him noticed. A guy who almost looks like a cartoon drawings of a generic mal...