A Queer and Meaningless Bark

Though I can't cite every example I've heard, circumcision jokes are fairly popular on TV sitcoms. Circumcision jokes are usually based around a Jewish character and the joke is made as if circumcision is solely unique to Jews. There have been several circumcision jokes made on the Big Bang Theory because the character Howard is Jewish. But odds are good that Sheldon and Leonard would be circumcised, too. In America circumcision is far from exclusively Jewish. Even in these more enlightened times when many parents choose to not have their boys circumcised America's non-religious circumcision rate is pretty high.  Growing up in the 70s I had one friend who wasn't circumcised and can't recall seeing a single uncircumcised penis in my gym class showers. All my male friends, none of them Jewish or Muslim (a group that never is included in the circumcision jokes), were/are circumcised. Almost every guy I've ever fooled around with has been circumcised...

There's a TV cliche joke that guys are horrified by the sight of other guys dicks. The common play of this is a guy somehow accidentally sees another guy's dick, usually a friend's,  and he reacts in disgust to the point of terror.  It's one of the dumbest jokes on TV. I've never observed or heard of  any guys who have an issue with seeing another guy's dick. Most guys end up seeing a fair  number of dicks in their lifetime and do so completely trauma free.  In fact guys might even comment about another guy's dick (rarely to the dick owner himself) if the dick is noticeably big or small or if the dick is obviously unusual.  Friends will change in front of each other and neither one will be shocked  or disgusted to catch a glimpse of the other's dick. Of course TV sitcoms aren't real life and if a slip of a towel or locker room encounter went without comment it would mean a chance for a dick joke was missed. And we all love a good...

The TV show Friends is not cool and no one with any taste watched it when it was new and they definitely don't watch the reruns. Supposedly. I like the show. It's well written and acted and one of the few “modern” shows I'll watch reruns of when I'm in the mood for watching dumb TV. The other day some rambling thoughts about dick made me realize that details of all the Friends boys dicks have been shared on various episodes. I'm not full of encyclopedic knowledge of every episode so I may have missed some facts but I know... 1.  Chandler has an above average dick. Phoebe saw it once and said “Mozaltov!” to Monica. On another episode Monica, referencing James Bond, described Chandler's junk as “double O and seven.”  And, based on an earlier episode where Rachel told Phoebe that Chandler had a very large dick and Joey laughed down the information, seven inches might be all Chandler's upper limit. 2.  Ross's dick is average or possible sm...

Clotheshorse Technically I'm a clotheshorse, someone who has a lot of clothes and is, as one of my dictionaries says, “overly concerned with dress and fashion.”    The funny thing is you wouldn't know it by looking at me that I possibly spent way too much time figuring out what to wear. I'm not into fashion, I'm into what I like and what I like most are non-flashy clothes and a look that looks as if no thought went into it at all.  Only in a few rare occasions have friends commented on how I was dressed. Yet I'll often change a shirt or shoes several times before I figure out what I feel like wearing that day even though I'm pretty sure no one really gives my looks any consideration at all.  Part of my problem with getting dressed is I'm large and ornery looking. If I wear a rumpled shirt and ratty jacket I look like a bum. Put the rumpled shirt and ratty jacket on my friend K yle , who is skinny and middle aged handsome, and he looks like a...

If you asked anyone in America to act like a stereotypical gay guy they'd probably immediately do a character with flitty mannerisms and a sing-song voice accented with some outrageous exclamations. For most people the idea of how a gay guy behaves comes largely from Hollywood which mostly gives us exaggerated cartoon versions of real life.  It's interesting that Hollywood gets away with fabulous and outrageous gay or blunt and mannish lesbian characters. Hollywood would never create a TV show with a cringe inducing pre-1970s racial stereotype black character, but the gay cliche couple on Modern Family is just fine. (Actually, Hollywood isn't all that enlightened when it comes to black female supporting roles, either. The large sized, sassy nurse or cop and the outrageous wise cracking co-worker are standard black female characters.) I've met some mildly stereotypical gay guys in real life, but never anyone as fabulously obnoxious as the two cartoon gay ...

My whole life I've been into guys. Even before puberty I was interested in other naked boys. But for most of my life my interest in guys was purely sexual. I wasn't romantically attracted to guys. The idea of having a boyfriend never occurred to me because it had no appeal to me though I had no issues about being sexually attracted to guys. (Well, no issues other than the usual American conservative religious belief that boys liking boys was a sin. But like most American conservative religious people I basically let myself ignore my beliefs so I could do what I wanted.)  In my mid twenties I escaped the mindset of my conservative religious upbringing and became thoroughly socially liberal. I was for equal rights for LGBTQ people even though I didn't feel much of a connection to the LGBTQ community. Though I had personally identified as bisexual since I was 13 my only interest in the LGBTQ world was that it included guys who liked having sex with other guys.  Being ...

I've always been a live-and-let-live sort of guy. As long as your way of life isn't infringing on the rights of or exploiting others I don't care what you do or who you love. But for some reason lately I'm less tolerant of the heterosexual lifestyle. I don't dislike heterosexuals, in fact all my best friends are heterosexuals. I'm just not interested in watching their relationships on TV shows and movies, reading about them in books and news articles, or hearing about them on radio shows. I'm often disappointed when I'm reading an article or watching a profile that features a guy who did whatever and it's revealed that he has a wife and kids. It's not because I'm attracted to the guy, it's just that the revelation that he's married to a woman seems like he's just part of the big, accepted and admired world of straight. So the moment the interviewee mentions a wife I, solely for my own amusement, often yell “Boooooooo!!!” ...

I've read a fair number of coming out stories by guys who came out in their late 20s and later. There are a lot of reasons for a guy coming out "late"* but a common theme of such stories is the guy got to a point where he just couldn't stand hiding his real self.  Other than not commenting on how good looking some guy is I never felt like I was hiding my true self by not being out. That had a large part to do with my not having been romantically interested in guys until fairly recently. I was never ignoring the longing of my heart as there was no longing to ignore. But there is a real me I've essentially squashed and the reason for the squashing was basically societal unease. My true self is kind of cartoony. I'm a little hyperactive (just a touch). I'm very jokey in almost any situation. I'm occasionally intentionally nonsensical or absurd. I'll make noises I find amusing. I'll repeat phrases or words I like. I'll imitate peop...

Among my friends and acquaintances I've always been the guy others ask for advice, make confessions to, or just use as a sounding board. I think I'm sought out because I listen, can ask a friend questions that lead him to figuring out an answer, and I give advice that works. I've helped friends and acquaintances make career choices, buy houses, choose between love interests, plan parties, figure out a good gift for a special occasion, and so on. I've also listened to plenty of “I'm feeling like this and I don't want to feel like that” rants and monologues. Even if it's a rant or bemoaning that I've heard a half dozen times I don't mind listening to friends troubles or helping them solve problems. But there is an annoying aspect to my position as a go-to general help guy: No one wants to listen to me if I'm going through something or trying to solve a problem. I'm not someone who moans and groans about my lot in life. In general I...

Greg was a year ahead of me in high school. He was one of the popular guys in school with the standard popular guy package; tall, good looking, athletic build. He had medium brown hair that was slightly long (typical for the early 80s), hazel eyes, full stubble face, broad shoulders, hairy muscular arms, thick legs. He dressed in worn t-shirts or polo shirts, faded jeans, and white leather sneakers or a pair of beat up brown cowboy boots. Greg was the sort of just-a-guy guy I wanted to be. Greg inspired my first ever fashion inclination with the heather gray t-shirts he favored. I was 15 and had little fashion sense, I wore whatever clothes my folks bought for me...Unless I thought something was ugly. My main concern with clothes was about comfort. Heather gray t-shirts were pretty standard, but I'd never noticed them until I noticed Greg wearing them. I didn't have the body Greg did so I knew there'd be no way a t-shirt would stretch across my shoulders the way...

I think this is a rehash of the topic. I apologize to my imaginary readers, especially as you all have such excellent memories. I believe a guy comes out for himself so he can live the life he wants to live. Though more people coming out probably makes it easier for others to come out I don't think coming out is something anyone has to do.  I've never done the "There's something I want to tell you..." tour of friends and family coming out thing. I've never felt a desire or need to do it just as I don't tell people I'm a Christian or a Liberal unless it makes sense to do so in the conversation.  I'm not sure when I came out to myself. I've always liked guys (physically) and never had a problem with the fact that I did (other than some religion fueled anguish in my late teens). When I was in middle school I read about bisexuality and felt "bisexual" described me, though it wasn't anything I figured I needed to tell anyone. ...