A Queer and Meaningless Bark

In movies and TV a common humor gag is a man having an unrealistic sexual fantasy about a woman he's turned on by. Often the fantasy involves an odd scenario and costumes and occasionally the fantasy is about a celebrity who makes a cameo for the scene.  I have no idea how realistic such portrayals are. I've talked with a few dozen queer guys about sexual fantasies but most of theirs tended to be about things they'd like to do. Whether guys really do imagine [current hot star name here] as a half naked angel hovering above the bed I don't know. What I definitely know is even in my wildest sexual fantasies I have to keep my feet on the ground or I can't get turned on.  As an adult I've never been able to fantasize about sex with a celebrity or fantastical being. In order to turn me on my fantasies have to be realistic. I can imagine I'm at an orgy, but it can't be an orgy of super hot guys if I'm going to be able to get off because in real li...

The importance of your first kiss is a standard story in our culture. It's one of those things that's possibly driven more by pop culture fictions than reality. I've never had any of my friends relate the story of their first kisses to me. (But then unlike movie and sitcom friends my friends and I have rarely discussed our romantic and sexual lives with each other.)  Some novels and stories I recently read got me thinking about my first kiss and I realized I kind of never really had one.    I have kissed guys. I've probably kissed at least a couple dozen guys. But all that kissing was just sexual. Even when it was a really good friend of mine who I had a long friends-with-benefits relationship with, the kissing (which he instigated) wasn't about romantic intimacy, it was about sex. (It was also amazing kissing and that was all his doing.) The type of first kiss I never had was that moment of first heavy physical intimacy with someone else which is speci...

Will & Grace (W&G) is, for the most part, a funny show. It's also a good looking show which, for me, helps its re-watchability. I mainly tune into W&G reruns when I want something gay and fun to watch, so the New York conspicuously sophisticated interiors add to the fluffy escapism. Many jokes on W&G seem racy even years after they originally aired. The heavy use of "fag" and "queer" for humorous effect now seems a bit shocking as both words have begun to get the n-word treatment in TV shows and on the radio.  W&G's frankness about gay male sexuality is still surprising. Gay males on TV and in mainstream films still largely seem to be well behaved neuters who are only interested in a monogamous relationship. There are plenty of field playing straight guys on TV and in the movies but any gay guy character you'll see will probably be respectable sexually.  But despite W&G's still edgy take on the gays it also presen...

I'm living once again in the county where I grew up, a rural area where not much has changed during the three decades I was gone. My personal stories, what I often call ghosts, are all over the place waiting to be revisited. I have a fairly good memory, if I had to I could recall most of the important details of my youth. But I rarely think about my youth as I'm not all that fond of my life or me before age 20.  I'm fortunate to have the ability to not think about the parts of the past I'd rather forget. But it's harder to mentally look the other way when I'm actually at the scene of a particular memory. I drove past the scene of a memory I'm mostly fine with early today; a long dormant gravel pit that hasn't noticeably changed in the 40 years I've been aware of it. The only reason I even noticed the gravel pit is that it was the last place I'd fooled around with or even saw Nate, my high school friends-with-benefits. It was the ...

When I was younger I was worried I'd become one of those older guys who was only attracted to younger gals and guys. Sure, love (and lust) knows no age, and there are younger guys and gals into older guys,* but the older guy in those cases often seems sad and even pathetic. I'm now just over the half century mark and happily I'm mostly attracted to guys in a sensible range of my age. I find the younger models attractive, but in a way I find Michelangelo's David attractive...I like looking at it but I don't need to touch it. My age related problem is music and partying.  I like a lot of music that seems too young for me. Most of this is college aged indie artists, some EDM, and definitely chill. It's fine if I'm just listening to recorded music. Its not so fine if I want friends my age to give the music a listen as they generally won't. It seems most folks my age have music preferences that were set in concrete sometime around high school or ...

With one possible exception, I've never had anyone show romantic interest in me. I've also never really had anyone show social interest in me beyond party invites and the occasional casual dinner get together. I hadn't noticed that I'm apparently not friend material until a few years ago when the lives of most my actual friends became consumed with marriage and kids. All but one of my friends live in other western states. I used to call them all fairly regularly but over the years they had less and less time to talk on the phone. I continued writing letters and sending postcards. I also texted regularly, texts I figured were humorous or comments on the news. Most my friends rarely respond to the texts. I have quite a few acquaintances and Facebook friends, almost all of them are related to a couple hobbies I have. There are occasional parties and I always have a great time talking with my acquaintances, they're generally smart people with a wide range of in...

Recently I actually had a guy, a friend of an acquaintance,  apparently show interest in me. To the best of my knowledge it was only the second time in my life that anyone has ever shown interest in me. (The other time was a brief encounter with a guy at a bar, so brief it doesn't count for much.)  I was at a party and I caught the name of a guy the host, N eil , was talking to. The guy was Sam and I'd read a couple short essays he'd written which N eil had posted on Facebook. Mainly because I'm interested in the creative output of others I said to Sam “Oh, you're the guy whose writing is funny.”  “I'm just funny when I write?” Sam asked, “But not in person?” “I don't know if you're funny in person,” I replied, “I haven't heard you say much.” “Now I'm under pressure,” Sam replied. At that point N eil actually introduced us and I said I'd read the essays N eil had posted. “I'm funny when I write,” Sam said said to N...