Full Contact

Occasionally when I'm getting into bed I think how nice it would be if a guy I loved was already in the bed and I got in and pushed up against him and we moved around a bit, exchanged some words, and drifted off to sleep. 

This is a common wish of those who are sleeping alone, so common that one can buy a "body pillow" which supposedly is to help you sleep in the weird position you like best but in reality I think a body pillow is to help you pretend there's someone else in bed with you.

The desire to have a guy in bed to sleep with is relatively new for me. It isn't based in any real experience as I've never had a boyfriend (or girlfriend) and I've only slept (literally) with one guy, a good friend who I used to occasionally have sex with. As we'd started the night rolling all over each other we didn't have any issue touching each other while sleeping in the same bed. But as I don't think we ever wrapped up in each others arms while sleeping or spooned. 

Humans are animals, and lots of animals sleep together. There's practical reasons for it in the wild (warmth, safety in numbers) but it seems obvious that many animals take comfort in sleeping together. This is most likely rooted in the close physical contact of mother and offspring. So basically the desire for being close to another while sleeping is merely animal.

The animal aspect of the desire has usually been the thing that turns me off to the idea of wanting to sleep next to a guy. But my dismissal of the desire merely because it's animal-like annoys me as it smacks of the the conservative religious view that humans are much more than mere animals. Conservative religious folks believe humans are just short of divine, the pinnacle of God's creation.* 

The root of the desire to sleep next to a guy also seems like part of an infant's ideal world (food, comfort, attention) which  makes it off putting to me. 

I  can understand and even dislike the source of the desire yet I still can't get past the physical appeal of sleeping next to another guy. 

 *These same types believe sex is a precious gift to only be experienced between one man and one woman in a church sanctioned union. 

I think sex is merely sex, devoid of meaning and not confined by purpose. Anyone should be able to do anything with any consenting adult that he or she desires. I believe if sex were stripped of its identity establishing social constraints (“If you have sex with a guy you're gay.”) most men would be far more fluid in what they did sexually and who they did it with.