Gayest Scene In Town

There's an episode of Will and Grace where Jack and Will were on Karen's yacht and they were bored so Will pointed to the bar and announced there was a hot new gay club opening up right over there. 

I think of that scene whenever I'm in a particularly culturally queer mood but have nowhere to go or anyone to share it with. To the best of my knowledge there is absolutely no gay scene* in the area where I live (a very small town in a very rural area near a small university town that is almost devoid of the cool stuff small university towns sometimes have like funky bars or a music scene).**

I also have no queer friend's, just a few gay acquaintances on Facebook. So when I want to have a super gay night it's just me and some drinks and one of my queer-centric playlists or a queer book or queer movie.

I always have a good time, and the morning after it doesn't matter if I was out at a gay bar or having a long discussion about queer young adult novels*** because it's all just memories. (Do not cue that song from CATS.)

Still, a guy can dream. But I know my dream of a cool gay party or group of guys to hang out with is essentially a fantasy. 

I've been to a few gay bars, they were OK. It was cool being in a place where I assumed everyone was queer but other than that there was nothing special about being in a gay bar. But that no doubt has a lot to do with me, I'm not the sort of guy other gay guys are hoping to see in a gay bar. I doubt I'd ever have a gay old time at any gay bar. 

My few gay bar visits I just stood at the bar and drank some drinks and looked at the TV as if I actually gave a rat's ass about what was on it. (Though one place in Seattle did have a slide show of naked bears running on its TV, so that was nice. Even if the bartender seemed to be scowling at me the whole time.****)

It's also unlikely that I'd ever have long discussions of queer things with queer friends. There are few people in the world who are interested in discussing much beyond the similar noise you hear the yackers on the radio and TV going on about. And despite a well maintained claim the queer guys are more clever and interesting than the rest of the world I've yet to find that to be true. (At least in person. I've read some great posts by queer guys on Reddit and there are many excellent queer authors.)

I would guess (and like to believe) there are some cool queer bars out there where all freaks feel at home, and that there are groups of queer guys gathered together right now at 5:11 PM on a Saturday enjoying their first cocktails and the beginnings of clever, insightful, conversations that will last well into Sunday's early hours.

But here in my wide open little corner of the world I'll be having some good cheap beer and better cheap bourbon and a surprisingly decent cheap cigar while listening to my How Queer or Pride Party playlist***** and thinking about love, lust, and humorous queer fiction. And though I rarely use the f word, I know my party of one will be fabulous.

*OK, I don't really know what I mean by "gay scene" because even when I lived in Seattle I essentially never took advantage of the "gay scene" because when I looked into it ai saw almost nothing that appealed to me.

**Uhm, actually, there does seem to be monthly drag shows in another smallish university town about 20 miles from here. I have almost no interest in drag, and though I don't dismiss others interest in it I find it a little annoying that drag seems to always be considered The One Big Gay Thing. Once again the problem is me. Most my female relatives, of which I have many, are large, loud, mannish women with obnoxious personalities.

***You really should read Adam Silvera's excellent More Happy Than Not and/or History Is All You Left Me. Shaun David Hutchinson's At the Edge of the Universe is also great, and Tim Federle's The Great American Whatever is very funny.

****I have no idea why. The place was near empty, I was on par in looks with the few guys who were there so I doubt I was scaring off customers, I didn't talk to anyone, I'm extremely polite as a customer, and I always tip. I could think the bartender had a face problem, like some sort of permanent scowl paralysis, but I saw him light up...Well, get somewhat friendlier looking...With other customers.

***** I have a Pride Party playlist but other than drinking some beers with a few bears at this year's Spokane Pride I've never been to a Pride party. I just made the playlist to feel like I'm at a big gay party.