Clotheshorse

Clotheshorse

Technically I'm a clotheshorse, someone who has a lot of clothes and is, as one of my dictionaries says, “overly concerned with dress and fashion.”   

The funny thing is you wouldn't know it by looking at me that I possibly spent way too much time figuring out what to wear. I'm not into fashion, I'm into what I like and what I like most are non-flashy clothes and a look that looks as if no thought went into it at all. 

Only in a few rare occasions have friends commented on how I was dressed. Yet I'll often change a shirt or shoes several times before I figure out what I feel like wearing that day even though I'm pretty sure no one really gives my looks any consideration at all. 

Part of my problem with getting dressed is I'm large and ornery looking. If I wear a rumpled shirt and ratty jacket I look like a bum. Put the rumpled shirt and ratty jacket on my friend Kyle, who is skinny and middle aged handsome, and he looks like a bohemian chic writer or cool musician.

Though I almost never interact with strangers or get noticed by anyone I'll still put a lot of time into trying to look as presentable as possible. If I actually need to look good it can get ridiculous. I'll try on over a dozen jacket and shirt combos then try on six pairs of shoes and boots.

All that thought would make sense if I was trying to figure out whether to wear the deep purple velvet jacket or the lime green linen one. But almost all my clothes are non-exciting and barely noticeable. My suit jackets are all dark gray, black, or brown. My dress shirts are all similarly colored. The t-shirts I wear under the dress shirts are also all dark. 

My daily wear shirts are all dark solids or dark plaid flannel shirts. The only pants I ever wear are jeans, even to a “nice” event. (I don't go to many nice events and if I have to I skew my dress to western style so I can get away with jeans.)

I like looking good, I hate thinking about what to wear. I sort of hate shopping for clothes and definitely hate trying on clothes. I've long wished for a magic closet that stays filled with clothes I like and that look good on me.

When I do go clothes shopping (usually at junk shops cuz I'm cheap) I tend to buy the same things over and over. A few weeks ago I bought a blue plaid flannel shirt and black down vest while I was wearing a blue plaid flannel shirt and black down vest. 

Why did I need one more of each? Well...The shirts were somewhat different (though only I would notice) and the “new” vest was better for colder weather. And they also cost a total of six bucks. 

(Cheap price is never a reason to buy something you don't need. If you shop like that you'll end up with more t-shirts than you can wear in three weeks. Trust me, I speak from first hand knowledge.)

If I ever get my life to resemble the life I'd like to live I'd like to figure out one daily outfit I really like and look good in and then buy seven copies of that outfit. I'd also have maybe three dress shirts, a couple jackets, and three or four pairs of one style of shoe I really like. Plus a dozen aloha shirts. Because, to quite Nathan Lane's character in the a birdcage, “Well, one does want a hint of color.”