Not Fem
If you asked anyone in America to act like a stereotypical gay guy they'd probably immediately do a character with flitty mannerisms and a sing-song voice accented with some outrageous exclamations.
But then “fem” doesn't really mean a guy who acts like a woman, it means a guy who acts like a fag. And even if the masc dude looking for a hook-up wants to get face down and ass up all night long for some guy he doesn't want to do it for a fem guy cuz that would just seem faggy, like a guy who wants to get plowed by another guy. So what the "No fems" guys are saying is "I've still got a ton of issues with the fact that I like guys.'
For most people the idea of how a gay guy behaves comes largely from Hollywood which mostly gives us exaggerated cartoon versions of real life.
It's interesting that Hollywood gets away with fabulous and outrageous gay or blunt and mannish lesbian characters. Hollywood would never create a TV show with a cringe inducing pre-1970s racial stereotype black character, but the gay cliche couple on Modern Family is just fine.
(Actually, Hollywood isn't all that enlightened when it comes to black female supporting roles, either. The large sized, sassy nurse or cop and the outrageous wise cracking co-worker are standard black female characters.)
I've met some mildly stereotypical gay guys in real life, but never anyone as fabulously obnoxious as the two cartoon gay characters on Modern Family. (Unfortunately I've also never met anyone as fun and silly as the hyperactive, hypersexual Jack on Will and Grace.)
The gay guy stereotype is often described as “effeminate.” The term suggest a man who has feminine characteristics, but I can't recall any woman I've ever known who has behaved like the gay stereotype. I've also never seen anyone in real life, gay male or straight woman, mincing about unless it's for humorous effect.
I've never thought of stereotypical gay behavior as effeminate. If a guy is gushy, gossipy, or giggly I don't think he's acting like a girl, I think he's just being himself or is possibly purposely behaving in an affected manner because he wants to. As long as someone isn't being a jerk I don't mind affected mannerisms. I grew up in a rural area where pert near every guy pretended to be a tough cowboy type. They even had special cowboy/rural clothes to wear. It was a real drag.
In guy-seeking-guy personal ads and apps guys often describe themselves or the sort of guys they're looking for as “straight acting.” What they actually mean is they themselves are not and are not interested in “fems.”
The fact that a guy looking to have sex with another guy describes himself and his ideal hookup as “straight acting” is hilarious because if they were all truly acting straight they wouldn't be having sex with guys. But then a lot of those guys looking to hookup with guys wouldn't describe themselves as gay, queer, or even bi.
(If a guy will actually admit he likes to have sex with other guys I really don't care if he doesn't want to label himself. Labels can be too simplistic while at the same time implying a lot about a person. The “gay” label comes with a lot of assumptions.)
Whats funny about the “no fems” policy of the masc-for-masc dudes is that modern, educated, progressive males often tend to behave in a manner that's pretty much on par with modern, educated, progressive women. They watch what they eat, care about their looks, know how to style their hair, and know how to dress to impress.
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