Self Confidant

Among my friends and acquaintances I've always been the guy others ask for advice, make confessions to, or just use as a sounding board. I think I'm sought out because I listen, can ask a friend questions that lead him to figuring out an answer, and I give advice that works.

I've helped friends and acquaintances make career choices, buy houses, choose between love interests, plan parties, figure out a good gift for a special occasion, and so on. I've also listened to plenty of “I'm feeling like this and I don't want to feel like that” rants and monologues.

Even if it's a rant or bemoaning that I've heard a half dozen times I don't mind listening to friends troubles or helping them solve problems. But there is an annoying aspect to my position as a go-to general help guy: No one wants to listen to me if I'm going through something or trying to solve a problem.

I'm not someone who moans and groans about my lot in life. In general I'm a happy person. I also don't have a lot of problems to deal with. But in the past when I have been feeling sort of blank or have something I'm trying to figure out my attempts to talk to friends went nowhere because no one wanted to hear my problems. 

That sort of made me feel bad when I first realized the people who I'd listened to for hours as they went on about their issues will immediately change the subject if I bring up something I'm trying to figure out. 

Kyle, the one friend who I've helped the most with states of mind or problems in the physical world, pretty much stops listening if I bring up a personal issue. At best his advice is along the lines of “Yeah, well, what can you do about it?” (He's not a self centered jackass. He's helped me out in many other ways over the decades and he's one of a very small number of people who I love so much it's kind of ridiculous.)

Eventually I just put my friends' general indifference down to “they are who there are.” The reason my friends are in my life is because of who they are. Wishing they were someone else is stupid. 

Another major factor in my friends' behavior is that most of my friends and good acquaintances are guys and they're all guy-guys, the sort of guys who are surprised to hear that their wives might like to do something nice on Valentines Day.

They're guy-guys, but they're all smart and much more aware of the world around and life in general than the average person. They're obviously capable of sharing their feelings and concerns and seeking outside input but, as with a lot of  guys, they lack the awareness that the other guy (in this case, me) might want an ear to bend.

Because there's never really ever been anyone there for me to rant or muse to I long ago became the guy I go to for advice and problem solving. 

I'm pretty good at giving myself advice, I can usually tell myself right off what my problem is or the solution to a problem. 

But I'm not so good at accepting or heeding my advice. I'll argue with myself, make excuses as to why some idea won't work, or, in the case of matters of the heart, even tell myself that I don't understand what I'm going through. 

Though I once used to feel bad that I had no one I could talk to about my problems these days I'm glad no one has had to endure my whining. Unless they read this blog.