Gaybros
When I was in my teens I used to scour the library for gay themed books in the hopes there would be some sex scenes in them. The stories of struggle with personal and public identity meant nothing to me.
The handful of books I ran across often had characters I didn't identify with other than the fact that they were guys who were into guys. One exception was The Best Little Boy in the World an autobiography by John Reid (a pen name for Andrew Tobias) because the guy telling the story was just a guy. He didn't even kiss other guys because "Cowboys don't kiss."
By the end of my teens I took some other looks at gay culture beyond porn. When I was in Seattle I checked out the Seattle Gay News and some gay lifestyle magazines. But I still didn't see guys I had anything in common with or a culture that appealed to many beyond the fact that guys could hook up with guys.
Back then finding others I connected with because of my sexuality really wasn't a big deal for me as I didn't think about guys romantically. I also didn't feel confused or the only one of my kind or a lot of the other things that inspire others to seek a community that they could feel a part of. So after high school I went along quite happily for over a decade not dating guys or girls or even having sex. (Being socially inept and conservative with my views on casual sex helped that.)
A couple years ago for reasons unknown I became curious as to what was going on in the queer world other than hookups. So I started looking at websites and ran a couple personal ads hoping to find guys like me who wanted to be email pals. I also found a free hook up phone line in Seattle and would talk to guys about sex, attraction, and identity. (Never phone sex, I can't do phone sex. Too goofy.)
I got almost no response from my ads and the websites I checked out were full of celebrity gossip, divas, fashion, and grooming. One site had a chat room called "Gay Intellectuals." A promising name, but all the "intellectuals" did was talk about celebrity gossip and divas and furiously bitch at each other.
On Craigslist I found the Queer Forum which seemed promising but had a lot of the usual gay topics (gossip, fashion) and users bitching at and about each other. Thingbox was a site I read about that supposedly had more intelligent discussion going on. It kind of did. But it also had more of the bitching at each other and a lot of the usual topics.
My attempt to find queer guys I identified with was proving to be futile. I've never figured I was unique but I began to wonder where were the queer guy who didn't like drag, divas, guys who looked like Ken Dolls, trendy fashion, Bjork, and the Logo channel.
I also wondered where the queer kids who weren't the Glee types looked for inspiration. I knew that guys like that existed because I had been one and I had talked to quite a few bi and gay guys on the chat line and in person who had figured out their sexuality later than their teens because their interest in guys seemed like it had to be something other than being bi or gay as they never saw gay guys who were like them.
Then, I found Gaybros on Reddit.
The sub (I'm sure a well traveled imaginary reader such as yourself knows Reddit forums are called "subreddits" or "sub" for short) was founded for gay guys who weren't into the mainstream Gay culture stuff (as seen in nearly every gay lifestyle magazine, newspaper, or website). Though most of the subjects cited as a focus of the sub aren't exactly my thing either ("Sports, cars, video games, military issues, working out...") it was still exciting to find a group of guys who also didn't identify with mainstream Gay culture.
But there are no paradises, even online.
Though Gaybros was my first mass exposure to guys who were just guys that happened to like guys, a lot of the topics of discussion had no appeal to me because I'm more-or-less twice the age of the average Gaybros member. Many of them were dealing with issues of coming out to conservative families, leaving home, figuring out where to move after college, or even figuring out how to have sex with a guy.
Even the name Gaybros was an issue to some as apparently among younger guys there's a whole "bro" culture and the "bros" who identify with that culture tend to be complete jackasses. Before Gaybros I'd only known "bro" as surfer/Hawaiian slang.
I discovered that a lot of the guys in the sub were into mainstream Gay culture stuff such as RuPaul's Drag Race, dance music, fashion, celebrity worship, and bringing cupcakes to bars. I really have no issue with those things other than I find them boring. And cupcakes seem weird at bars.
After reading numerous posts I figured that a good number of the Gaybros members who liked these sorts of things were on the sub because it was a stepping stone from their socially or culturally conservative background to a full blown Gay identity. Unfortunately that occasionally involved open dislike of effeminate gay guys (an attitude that is usually always addressed in a direct manner by other users).
Though it isn't my perfect queer site Gaybros has been useful for me in my relatively new found interest in gay culture and the idea of gay community became more appealing to me because of Gaybros. I realized that the mainstream gay culture is probably not as homogenous as all the mainstream gay media suggests.
But I still don't like hairless Ken doll go-go boys or glitter.
The handful of books I ran across often had characters I didn't identify with other than the fact that they were guys who were into guys. One exception was The Best Little Boy in the World an autobiography by John Reid (a pen name for Andrew Tobias) because the guy telling the story was just a guy. He didn't even kiss other guys because "Cowboys don't kiss."
By the end of my teens I took some other looks at gay culture beyond porn. When I was in Seattle I checked out the Seattle Gay News and some gay lifestyle magazines. But I still didn't see guys I had anything in common with or a culture that appealed to many beyond the fact that guys could hook up with guys.
Back then finding others I connected with because of my sexuality really wasn't a big deal for me as I didn't think about guys romantically. I also didn't feel confused or the only one of my kind or a lot of the other things that inspire others to seek a community that they could feel a part of. So after high school I went along quite happily for over a decade not dating guys or girls or even having sex. (Being socially inept and conservative with my views on casual sex helped that.)
A couple years ago for reasons unknown I became curious as to what was going on in the queer world other than hookups. So I started looking at websites and ran a couple personal ads hoping to find guys like me who wanted to be email pals. I also found a free hook up phone line in Seattle and would talk to guys about sex, attraction, and identity. (Never phone sex, I can't do phone sex. Too goofy.)
I got almost no response from my ads and the websites I checked out were full of celebrity gossip, divas, fashion, and grooming. One site had a chat room called "Gay Intellectuals." A promising name, but all the "intellectuals" did was talk about celebrity gossip and divas and furiously bitch at each other.
On Craigslist I found the Queer Forum which seemed promising but had a lot of the usual gay topics (gossip, fashion) and users bitching at and about each other. Thingbox was a site I read about that supposedly had more intelligent discussion going on. It kind of did. But it also had more of the bitching at each other and a lot of the usual topics.
My attempt to find queer guys I identified with was proving to be futile. I've never figured I was unique but I began to wonder where were the queer guy who didn't like drag, divas, guys who looked like Ken Dolls, trendy fashion, Bjork, and the Logo channel.
I also wondered where the queer kids who weren't the Glee types looked for inspiration. I knew that guys like that existed because I had been one and I had talked to quite a few bi and gay guys on the chat line and in person who had figured out their sexuality later than their teens because their interest in guys seemed like it had to be something other than being bi or gay as they never saw gay guys who were like them.
Then, I found Gaybros on Reddit.
The sub (I'm sure a well traveled imaginary reader such as yourself knows Reddit forums are called "subreddits" or "sub" for short) was founded for gay guys who weren't into the mainstream Gay culture stuff (as seen in nearly every gay lifestyle magazine, newspaper, or website). Though most of the subjects cited as a focus of the sub aren't exactly my thing either ("Sports, cars, video games, military issues, working out...") it was still exciting to find a group of guys who also didn't identify with mainstream Gay culture.
But there are no paradises, even online.
Though Gaybros was my first mass exposure to guys who were just guys that happened to like guys, a lot of the topics of discussion had no appeal to me because I'm more-or-less twice the age of the average Gaybros member. Many of them were dealing with issues of coming out to conservative families, leaving home, figuring out where to move after college, or even figuring out how to have sex with a guy.
Even the name Gaybros was an issue to some as apparently among younger guys there's a whole "bro" culture and the "bros" who identify with that culture tend to be complete jackasses. Before Gaybros I'd only known "bro" as surfer/Hawaiian slang.
I discovered that a lot of the guys in the sub were into mainstream Gay culture stuff such as RuPaul's Drag Race, dance music, fashion, celebrity worship, and bringing cupcakes to bars. I really have no issue with those things other than I find them boring. And cupcakes seem weird at bars.
After reading numerous posts I figured that a good number of the Gaybros members who liked these sorts of things were on the sub because it was a stepping stone from their socially or culturally conservative background to a full blown Gay identity. Unfortunately that occasionally involved open dislike of effeminate gay guys (an attitude that is usually always addressed in a direct manner by other users).
Though it isn't my perfect queer site Gaybros has been useful for me in my relatively new found interest in gay culture and the idea of gay community became more appealing to me because of Gaybros. I realized that the mainstream gay culture is probably not as homogenous as all the mainstream gay media suggests.
But I still don't like hairless Ken doll go-go boys or glitter.
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